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Millstone Swimmers Anonymous


Albatross: Any of various large web-footed seabirds (family Diomedeidae) that are related to the petrels and include the largest seabirds. This particular Albatross is Moulton's puppet.


The Albatross is a featured character in The Crime of the Ancient Mariner by Salmon Taser Colderedge.

The Crime of the Ancient Mariner[edit]

A Ship having crossed the Line was driven by Storms to the Cold Seas near the Nether Pole and thence made wayward course to the tropical Latitudes of the Great Pacific Ocean, whereupon strange things befell the voyage of the Ancient Mariner, before he returned to his own familiar Waters.

An Albatross swoops in to rescue a didactic workshop from drowning in a Noahide flood loosed upon Wikiversity by a fluidic denizen of the deep named Salmon of Doubt.

Meanwhile, Statler and Waldorf are reviewing the play from the balcony, as Salmon of Doubt splashes them with seaweed, disrupting them just as they are getting on with their breathless commentary and review.

What happens when Big Bird swoops in like an Albatross and scoops up a Big Fish?

Salmon of Doubt fears the threat of death on the high seas.

An ancient Mariner meeteth three Gallants (a Centaur, a Salmon, and a Chihuahua) bidden to a Vetting Quest, and detaineth one.

It is an ancient Mariner,
And he stoppeth one of three.
"By thy long tail fins and glittering gills,
Now wherefore stopp'st thou me?"
The Cetacean's jaws are opened wide,
And I am next of din.
The quests are met, the beast is set:
May'st fear the scary sin.
He fishes with his skinny pole,
"There was a blip," quoth he.
"Hold off! Unhook me, now! Or soon!"
Eftsoons his clasp dropt free.

The Vetting Quest is spell-bound by the cry of the old seafaring man, and constrained to fear his tale.